


Life's a Bitch

by Randomphonecase



Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Angst, Barry has anxiety, Barry needs a hug, Depressed Barry Allen, Depression, God damnit, I need a hug, Leonard Snart Lives, Leonard has anxiety, M/M, Some what talk of suicide, i curse a lot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-20
Updated: 2020-04-21
Packaged: 2021-03-02 03:06:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,013
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23748049
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Randomphonecase/pseuds/Randomphonecase
Summary: Barry is depressed. Leonard asks him out and Barry says yes. He doesn't go. Shit happens.I know this isn't a good summary but I don't know how to write one.  I tried to be funny. Please read the tags.
Relationships: Barry Allen/Leonard Snart, Cisco Ramon/Lisa Snart
Comments: 3
Kudos: 57





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote Barry's depression with how my depression works. I don't know how it works for others, I just wanted people to see it how I deal with it. Once again read the tags if you haven't. 
> 
> fuck i need a hug.

What would happen if I died now? Would anyone care? Probably. Would it feel good to be dead? I did so much that my friends and family would hate me for. I created villains that destroyed the city. Sure I helped get rid of them, but I’m still the reason people died.   
If I had never become the Flash no one would have died but me. I’m sure Eobard would have killed me. I wish he did. I wish Cisco and the others let me “sacrifice” myself during the attack of the dominators. I wish Snart never gave me that tip about Mardon and Jessie James. I wish I could just disappear and everyone would be safe.   
That’s the only reason I’m still here. I’m still here because I may not care for myself, but I do care for my family. Ring. I only live on for them. To know that they’re safe. Ring. But I can’t take it anymore. Ring. Ring.  
“Ugh.” I sit up from my bedroom floor in my loft and answer the phone without looking at the caller ID. “What?”  
“Geez Scarlet I thought you’d be happy to hear my voice.” Oh, Leonard called. How'd he get my number?  
“Do I wanna know how you got my number Leonard?”  
“Hartley, and since when are we on a first name basis. I thought I’d have to ask you out before that happend.”   
“Since I saved you from the time stream. Now what do you want?” My voice is tired and barely there ever to my own ears. It is nice to hear Leonard’s voice though. It always brings me back a little bit each time. I feel calmer.   
“I wanted to know if you were free tomorrow tonight? I’ll make enough food to feed an army.” I can hear the smirk in his voice. I don’t know how but I know it’s there.  
“Are you trying to tell me I have no choice but to go on a date with you?” A small smile manages to make it to my face.  
“Maybe. I’ll even find a way to get Mick to send us some desert, trust me his baking is amazing.” His voice became a bit happier like he’s smiling. I like that thought. I wanna see it.  
“Okay. Where?” My voice is small. I’m still lost in my head a bit.  
“I’ll text you the address later. Are you okay though Barry? You sound a bit out of it.” Shit. He sounds worried. Wait, if I date Leonard that will add another person to my list of people I need to protect. I already cared for him, I even have a crush on him. Shit.  
“Yeah. You just managed to catch me while I was napping. I have to go. I'll talk to you later.” I rushed my goodbye and hung up the phone. “Fuck.” I sigh as I fall back onto the floor.  
~~~  
“Hey, Bar. How was your night?” Cisco asks as I walk into the Cortex.  
Shitty. “Great. How was yours?” I say with a bright smile. I might be too good at this faking it thing. What if I’m not? What if he knows and just doesn’t care? What if everyone knows and they just don’t care?  
“Awesome. I went on a date.” He looks so happy. Looks like he just won a million bucks.  
“That’s great dude, who was she?” I take a seat on the chair next to him and put my feet on the desk.   
“Top secret.”  
“Lisa Snart.” Caitlin (who just walked into the Cortex and must have heard a good bit of our conversation) and I say at the same time. Cisco looks at us with a wide open mouth. He closes his mouth and sighs.  
“Yeah. It’s obvious isn’t it?”   
“Don’t worry I’m pretty sure, no I know Ralph won’t even know who that is.” Just as I say that Ralph walks in.   
“Won’t know who?” Ralph asks.  
“Lisa Snart, Cisco’s new girlfriend.” Caitlin’s sitting on the desk in front of Cisco, she’s also smiling. Everyone is smiling as usual. Damn I need a hug. Ralph hug me. Please.  
“Your right, but I remember the name Snart. Captain Cold. Barry’s special villain.” Ralph says as he stretches his arm across the room to roll a chair over. “Let me guess, sister?”  
“Yeah. Golden Glider.” Cisco’s smile turns into a dopy look. Bliss. Is that what it will be like after my date with Leonard? Bliss? Happiness? Waping.   
🌈⛄  
7:15 a.m  
7280 Chestnut Rd.   
8:00 Tonight.  
At first when I see the text I’m confused. I never thought I see Leonard Snart in my phone and “Gay Snowman”. I do give a small chuckle. My breathing starts to get a little shallower. Damn.   
Me  
7:16 a.m  
I’ll be there  
Right? I’m totally going, I wouldn’t miss it. My breathing starts to get a bit worse, I might not be able to hide it from the others for much longer. I have to leave, maybe going to work will clear my head, or it’s just a distraction and I refuse to admit it.  
“I have to go to work. I'll see you guys later.” I sped out of StarLabs before any of them could say anything. I stop a block away from the precinct when I realise. “Fuck.” I didn’t get my hug from Ralph.   
~~~  
“It’s fine Len, maybe he just ran into trouble and he’s going to be late. Sure it’s twenty minutes and forty-five seconds from the time we agreed but he said he’d be here. He’ll be here.” I pace back and forth around my apartment trying to convince myself that Barry’s coming. He said he’d be here. Barry Allen doesn’t seem like the lying type. I mean he’s number one do gooder of Central City. Barry Allen will be here.   
Maybe watching TV will calm me down before he gets here. Plus seeing as it must be   
Flash business I can look on the News and see what’s keeping him. I take a deep breath and sit on the couch. I put on the news to see nothing. Nothing Flash related. Nothing that should be keeping him. Nothing.   
“Fuck. He stood me up. Why the fuck did I get so excited. This is what I was afraid of. Fuck him. Fuck me.”


	2. Chapter 2

~~~  
When I got back to the loft after work I wasn’t up to patrolling so I told the others to call me if there’s an emergency. I got in the door, took off my shoes and laid on the floor. Face first. I was so done. I wasn’t sleepy but I was exhausted.   
Leonard.   
Of course, how could I forget about my date. I should get up. I should go. I haven’t been on a date since… a person. I don’t feel like finding the name in my head. Maybe I should just call and cancel. I’ll do that. Yeah. 

Alarm noise. Alarm noise. Slightly Louder Alarm Noise. LOUDEST ALARM NOISE.

“Huh? What? I fell asleep?” I pause to turn off my alarm. “I’m on the floor. There’s the door to my loft. Did I text Leonard?” I check my phone and realise how much of a dick I am. I did not text Len. Insead I slept on my floor. “I liked him!” I yell annoyed with the fact that I could have had a perfectly good relationship with this man.   
I wanna die. But I can’t. How would I? I just can’t. 

“Fuck!”  
~~~  
I won't admit it. But last night after my failed date with Barry, I cried. I really did. I mean why would Barry Allen, perfect, sweet, innocent Barry Allen, like me.   
So when I was done crying I planned a heist. I finally finished. It’s eight a.m. but Mick’s probably up. I give him a call.

“What the fuck, could possibly want?” He must have just woken up because his voice is groggy. And mean.

“What a great way to greet your best friend in the morning.” My voice is smooth, to my ears. Mick probably knows I’ve been crying. I really don’t want Mick to know I was stood up. “I planned a heist. We hit the bank today at three. Be there.” Just as I’m about to hang up the phone Mick is yelling at me. Threatening that if I hang up the phone, he’ll get rid of some of my body parts I rather keep.

“What the hell? No! Did you even case the damn place? And why I thought you were done so you could convince the Flash to like you?” He’s right. I did want to stop until me and Barry had a conversation about that. Wait maybe that’s why he didn’t show. He couldn’t even convince himself to give me a chance. Oh why am I like this? Why couldn’t I try to be better? “Len, stop thinking. Take a breath and tell me what happened.”

I take a deep breath. “Barry didn’t show for our date last night. And I know there was no Flash business. He probably couldn’t convince himself to go on a date with a criminal, killer.”

“No no. None of that. You aren’t a killer. You’re fine. He’s a dick.” Mick has always been able to calm me down and be a good confidence booster. I’m lucky to have a friend like him. “Get your ass over to my place. I’ma fix it.”  
~~~  
Before work I run to StarLabs as always. I don’t smile this time. I wish I could have told Len wasn’t okay to go on a date. I walk into the Cortex and sit in a chair. I pull out my phone. Maybe I can explain it to him now. Would it be too late? I sigh and throw my head back. 

“Well seeing as Barry is not here, what do want to talk about Cait.” Cisco says turning to Caitlin. 

“I don’t know. Barry what happened?” Cait turns to me.

“I fucking hate myself. I wish I didn’t exist.” I pull my head up and I really want to throw my phone at the wall. 

“Dude what happened?” Cisco looks shocked. Oh that poor fucker. 

“I’ll tell ya. I was supposed to go on a date with Leonard Snart. What did I do you may ask? I stood him up!” I’m so pissed at myself. I start pacing. “I fell asleep on my floor. Right in front of my front door. Not from being tired or not enough food, but because I couldn’t bring myself to get up!” They look worried I should stop talking. So I do. 

“Bro, you have to call him.” Cisco’s mouth is open and he just looks shocked.

“I wish I could. I really do. But what am I supposed to say? How can I ever look at him again?” I’m on the verge of tears. I really hope they can’t tell. 

“FLASH!” We all turn towards the hallway and see Mick Rory dragging Len in by his arm. He looks like he’s been crying. “Apologize for hurting Snart, and then explain why you stood him up!” Len looks at the floor and then he looks up at me for a brief moment. He tries to leave but Mick is stronger and just pulls him in front of him. 

“I…I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to.” My voice starts to break. “I wanted to text you and tell you I didn’t have the energy to move to my bed, or couch for that matter. I wanted to go on that date but I couldn’t. I would have explained that if I hadn’t fallen asleep on my floor. I’m sorry.” He looks up at me. 

“You fell asleep on your floor?” He looks a bit shocked. I’m not surprised. 

“Yes.”

“You ever think you might be depressed, Scarlet?”

“I definitely am.” He nods a little. Then a small smirk appears on his face. 

“You wanna try the date again?”

“Fuck yeah.” I say with a serious nod.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did I do it? Was I funny?


End file.
